I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
