so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
