Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
