I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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