I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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