plz talk dirty to me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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