She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
