She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
