Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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