Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
