I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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