Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
