C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
