Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
