My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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