If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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