I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
