sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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