You work out of a Hotel?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A bitchslap is in order.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
