You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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