so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
