singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
