I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
