I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
