Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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