just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
