I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
