I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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