I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
