On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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