I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
