fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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