my vag is so smooth its legendary
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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