He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
