Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
