Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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