We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
