Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just tell him i said nine months
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
