saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
