You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
