I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
