Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
