I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
