I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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