When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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