Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
