I am in a vortex of obligation.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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