just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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