there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
