I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
