just tell him i said nine months
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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